Your money story from the past could be sabotaging a happy marriage in the future.
It’s no wonder that conflict around the topic of money is cited as a major cause of arguments in marriages.
Money in itself is not to blame, rather it’s our beliefs, thoughts and emotions around money that cause friction between committed partners.
Most couples haven’t done the work around understanding their personal approach to money, so they blame a lack of income, spending habits and conflicting priorities with money as the problem. This conflict often manifests into perspectives where each member of a couple thinks their partner is a jerk when it comes to money! They ask themselves, “why does he always want to save so much?” or, “why can’t she stop spending so much?” The answer lies in their Money Story, which is the source of all of the answers.
Everyone has a Money Story. It is a slice of your autobiography, which holds the keys as to “why you do what you do” with your money.
Our core beliefs about money start at a very young age (ages 0-5), when we are like sponges, thirsting for any information our brains can absorb. During these formative years, we are watching, listening and forming our inner most philosophies about everything, including money.
Depending on the messages you received about money in your early years, you may have adopted some beliefs that are in conflict with your partner. A case in point:
Bob grew up in a family where money was never talked about. There always seemed to be plenty of it, even though he had seven siblings and his dad was in the military. The family enjoyed great vacations, new cars and he felt secure. He describes the theme of his Money Story as “abundance.”
His future spouse grew up with repeated messaging around “scarcity.” Her mother’s money mantra was, “we can’t afford it.” Her father was a high- level government employee and her mother worked as well. She longed to have the latest fashion trends, the big houses that her friends had, and wished that just for once, her family could afford a vacation that didn’t involve camping. The theme of her Money Story was “scarcity.”
The disparity between the themes of these Money Stories would lead to a marriage that was fraught with conflict over money. Arguments, despair and secrets that would shake the foundation of their relationship to the point of near disaster.
If only they had the foresight to have talked about their Money Stories before they tried to manage the money together! Although these conversations are not romantic, they offer the opportunity to gain clarity on any potential pitfalls that may arise in making financial decisions going forward.
The preventative approach to anticipating how the household finances would be managed could have saved this couple from the rock bottom event that almost derailed their marriage. It was at their lowest financial and emotional state that they had to decide whether or not to stay married and how to dig out from the nightmare of overwhelming debt.
Over the next few decades there would be future conflict and struggles as they tackled their money management. But with the new clarity on their united goals along with honoring each other’s story, they now talk about money freely and openly and have built a life of prosperity.
Can you relate to your marriage being on the brink of disaster with money? Are ready to change the dynamic, to create a dream team with your partner and money? You can start today by watching me and my fellow coach, Alissa, talk about money and marriage in this workshop.
Creating Money Harmony is possible! By doing the work in understanding your beliefs and emotions about money and embracing your partner’s story, you can build a foundation of a lifetime of financial harmony, a foundation that will keep your marriage on track.
Gain a shared vision and plan for your financial future.
Money is the #1 cause of conflict in marriages with 72% of divorces rooted in money issues.
This four-session live workshop, along with several handouts and exercises, will help you and your partner finally stop fighting about money!